Q&A: What is something I used to value that I don’t value anymore?

Q&A: What is something I used to value that I don’t value anymore?

Every month, I publish an answer to a reader’s question. This time I received a question from one of my readers about whether there is something [in life], that I used to value but don’t value anymore. I thought I would share my answer with you all. Here’s a transcript of my answer:

My answer is a bit related to the world of seeking approval. I no longer resist, but expect rejections to show up — and when they enter, I don’t take them too seriously anymore.

The gift of being rejected more times than I can actually remember, is that you start to see that the majority of situations are not permanent — nor are they personal.

There are what I’d call “being at the right place at the wrong time” kinds of rejections that involve timing misalignments, for example meeting someone compatible when either of you is already committed.

There also are rejections based on the principle “if I can’t see it, it’s not possible”, which has something to do with this unconscious process of projecting one’s experiences, or expectations of what is possible onto another person.

There are also “you never know what’s behind the curtain”  rejections — which involves cancellations based on reasons that are mostly hidden from the light of day.

The list goes on and on, but most of them have nothing to do with us. And if it’s not personal, it means there is this opportunity to flip it.

I now consider rejection as a random, nothing more than simple, dumb sign that I’m knocking the wrong door. It’s just a sign that I have to find another person, another door I can open.

So one thing I do not need anymore is this idea that everybody needs to love me — if the validation is present; wonderful.

If it’s not; I’ll be fine.

Without it, life is good anyway. To be able to see rejection for what it is and focus on learning from it and moving on is quite freeing. I don’t always get it right, but I can practice the skill.

Protect yourself from rejection by remembering it’s often not personal and build a diversified portfolio of love and meaning in your life that shields you from the burden of rejection.

How do you deal with the burden of rejection? Let me know in the comments.

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Thank you for reading. This reader’s question is part of the Ask Me Anything series. Feedback from you, the reader, is important to me. Want to ask me a question for next month? Send me your question via [email protected]

 

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