Author Guide · Relationships & Psychology
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In 1979 Harville Hendrix, a former Baptist minister turned therapist, ran an experimental weekend retreat for couples and called it “Getting the Love You Want”. Nine years later the same title became his first book, a guide for couples that his publisher says has sold more than two million copies. It took off during his 17 appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show. With his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, he developed Imago Relationship Therapy, and from the mid-1990s almost every book carries both their names: books for singles, for parents, for couples on the edge, and most recently for anyone in a difficult conversation. This guide covers his 8 key books, in order, and where to begin.
By Lisanne Swart · 8 key books · 1988–2024 · Updated October 2026
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Quick answer
Harville Hendrix’s best-known book is Getting the Love You Want (1988), followed by Keeping the Love You Find (1992), Giving the Love That Heals (1997), Receiving Love (2004) and Making Marriage Simple (2013), most written with Helen LaKelly Hunt. Start with Getting the Love You Want, ideally the 2019 third edition; the guide below shows which book fits singles, parents and couples.
Where to Start with Harville Hendrix
If you want the core Imago idea
→ Getting the Love You Want (1988) — the 1988 guide for couples that started it all.
If you are single
→ Keeping the Love You Find (1992) — the same ideas applied before you meet a partner.
If you are a parent
→ Giving the Love That Heals (1997) — written with Helen LaKelly Hunt.
If you want the short, practical version
→ Making Marriage Simple (2013) — ten ideas, one per chapter, with exercises.
8 Harville Hendrix Books, in Order
Getting the Love You Want
The book that introduced Imago theory: the idea that people choose partners who resemble their early caretakers, and that the conflicts which follow are a chance to heal old childhood wounds. It sets out the Couples Dialogue and a series of exercises for working through the power struggle. It grew out of his 1979 couples workshop and became a New York Times bestseller; the 2019 third edition, credited to Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, adds a new foreword and chapter.
Keeping the Love You Find
A follow-up to Getting the Love You Want for readers who are not in a relationship. It looks at why unresolved conflicts from childhood draw people to unsuitable partners, how to recognise one’s own “Imago”, and what patterns carry over from parents’ marriages, with exercises for learning from past relationships.
The Couples Companion
The first of three companion books of daily meditations and exercises written with Helen LaKelly Hunt. It is meant to be used alongside Getting the Love You Want, in short entries a couple can work through together.
Giving the Love That Heals
Imago theory applied to raising children. Hendrix and Hunt argue that parents tend to repeat how they were raised, describe “Maximizer” and “Minimizer” parenting styles, and set out a process for breaking the “cycle of wounding” by meeting a child’s needs for safety, support and structure at each stage of growth.
Getting the Love You Want Workbook
A study guide that turns the exercises of the 1988 book into a step-by-step programme for couples to complete together, in the format of the couples workshops Hendrix and Hunt ran.
Receiving Love
The authors argue that many people find it harder to accept love than to give it, and that this self-rejection strains a relationship. Drawing on their clinical work and on their own marriage, they offer exercises for learning to take in the love a partner offers.
Making Marriage Simple
Ten short chapters, each built on one “truth”, such as “a frustration is a wish in disguise” and “incompatibility is grounds for marriage”, followed by exercises and line drawings. Hendrix and Hunt also tell how they nearly divorced after about ten years of marriage and saved it with the exercises they had taught other couples.
How to Talk with Anyone about Anything
The Imago dialogue taken beyond couples, as the Safe Conversations method the authors developed with their organisation Relationships First. It rests on four skills: taking turns to speak and listen, “zero negativity”, empathy and affirmation, and presents them as a response to polarisation as well as to private conflict.
In What Order to Read Harville Hendrix
The books do not need to be read in sequence, but they all build on the theory first set out in Getting the Love You Want, so start there. Choose the 2019 third edition if you can: it is the one revised with Helen LaKelly Hunt.
After that, read by situation: Keeping the Love You Find if you are single, Giving the Love That Heals if you are a parent, Receiving Love or Making Marriage Simple if you are in a long relationship. The workbook and the companions are for use alongside the main books rather than on their own.
A reading path
1. Getting the Love You Want (1988)
2. Receiving Love (2004)
3. Making Marriage Simple (2013)
4. How to Talk with Anyone about Anything (2024)
Everything Else Harville Hendrix Published
Beyond the 8 key books: 4 more, grouped by kind.
Open a group with the + to see every book in it.
Companions and books for therapists
4
4 books · 1995–2021
- 1995The Personal Companionmeditations and exercises for singles, a companion to Keeping the Love You Find
- 1999The Parenting Companionmeditations and exercises for parents
- 2017The Space Betweenon the point of connection between partners
- 2021Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Betweena clinician’s guide
The years · 1935–2024
Quick facts about Harville Hendrix
- Known for
- Harville Hendrix is known for Imago Relationship Therapy, the couples-therapy method he developed with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, and set out in Getting the Love You Want.
- 1935
- Born in Statesboro, Georgia
- 1957
- BA, Mercer University
- 1979
- First “Getting the Love You Want” couples workshop
- Born
- 1935, Statesboro, Georgia
- Education
- Mercer University (BA, 1957); Union Theological Seminary (BD, 1961); PhD in psychology and religion, University of Chicago
- Early career
- Ordained a Baptist minister at 17; later taught at Southern Methodist University
- Married
- Helen LaKelly Hunt, his co-author and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy
- Television
- 17 appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show
- Organisations
- Co-founder of Imago Relationships International and Relationships First
The red mark is 1988: Getting the Love You Want, the book that introduced Imago theory.
How Harville Hendrix Writes: Theory First, Then Exercises
Each book follows the same pattern: a chapter of theory about why couples fight, then exercises the reader is meant to do, often with a partner. Getting the Love You Want grew directly out of a weekend workshop, and it still reads like one, with the theory in the first half and the exercises in the second.
The theory draws on several schools that his publisher lists as behavioural science, depth psychology, social learning theory and Gestalt therapy, with interpersonal neuroscience added in the 2019 edition. The central claim stays the same throughout: partners are chosen to resemble early caretakers, and conflict is a chance to heal what went wrong then. Phrases such as “a frustration is a wish in disguise” condense it into something a couple can remember.
From the mid-1990s the books are written with Helen LaKelly Hunt, and from Making Marriage Simple on, the two use their own marriage, including how close they came to divorce, as evidence. The latest book moves the same dialogue technique out of the bedroom and into workplaces and public life.
Frequently asked questions about Harville Hendrix’s books
How many books has Harville Hendrix written?
About a dozen, most of them with Helen LaKelly Hunt. This page lists 8 key books, from Getting the Love You Want (1988) to How to Talk with Anyone about Anything (2024), and 4 further titles: two companion books of meditations and two books for therapists.
What are Harville Hendrix’s books in order?
Getting the Love You Want (1988), Keeping the Love You Find (1992), The Couples Companion (1994), Giving the Love That Heals (1997), Getting the Love You Want Workbook (2003), Receiving Love (2004), Making Marriage Simple (2013) and How to Talk with Anyone about Anything (2024).
Where should I start with Harville Hendrix?
With Getting the Love You Want, preferably the 2019 third edition written with Helen LaKelly Hunt. Every later book builds on it. If you are single, Keeping the Love You Find applies the same ideas before you have a partner.
What is Harville Hendrix’s most famous book?
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (1988), a New York Times bestseller that his publisher says has sold more than two million copies. It became widely known through his 17 appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
A form of couples therapy developed by Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. It holds that people are drawn to partners who resemble their early caretakers, and that the conflicts which follow are a chance to heal childhood wounds. Its main tool is a structured dialogue in which partners take turns to mirror, validate and empathise.
Did Harville Hendrix write his books with his wife?
Mostly, yes. Getting the Love You Want (1988) and Keeping the Love You Find (1992) first appeared under his name alone; from The Couples Companion (1994) onwards the books are written with Helen LaKelly Hunt, and the 2019 edition of Getting the Love You Want credits them both.
Is there a Harville Hendrix book for parents?
Yes: Giving the Love That Heals: A Guide for Parents (1997), written with Helen LaKelly Hunt, and the companion book The Parenting Companion (1999).
Did Harville Hendrix appear on Oprah?
Yes, 17 times. One of those episodes was included in Unforgettable! Oprah’s Top 20 Shows, and O, The Oprah Magazine called him the “marriage whisperer”.
Is Harville Hendrix still alive?
No death has been reported. He was born in 1935 in Statesboro, Georgia, and published How to Talk with Anyone about Anything with Helen LaKelly Hunt in 2024.
Footnotes
- Harville Hendrix — Wikipedia
- About Harville and Helen — harvilleandhelen.com
- Getting the Love You Want, Third Edition — Bookshop.org
- Making Marriage Simple — NetGalley
- Harville Hendrix — Omega Institute
- How to Talk with Anyone about Anything — Washoe County Library
Bibliography last verified 9 October 2026. Where sources give different first-publication years, this page uses the year in library catalogues or the publisher’s own record.
This list was not put together by a machine.
The notes are all mine,
and the books are all his.
Lisanne x
Written by Lisanne Swart, who has curated reading lists and author guides at lisanneswart.com since 2021.
See more on her personal bookshelf.
“Conflict is growth trying to happen.”
— Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Making Marriage Simple (2013), one of the book’s ten truths
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