Author Guide · Relationship Psychology
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In 1986 the psychologist John Gottman set up an apartment at the University of Washington in Seattle where couples could spend time while researchers filmed them, measured their heart rates and coded every expression. The press called it the “Love Lab”. Gottman, a mathematician by training who had come to psychology through a master’s at MIT, used studies like these to identify four behaviours he called the Four Horsemen — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — and to claim he could predict which couples would divorce. Since 1994 he has turned that research into books for ordinary readers, most of them written with the journalist Nan Silver, the writer Joan DeClaire or his wife, the psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman. This guide covers his 12 key books, in order, and where to begin.
By Lisanne Swart · 12 key books · 1994–2024 · Updated October 2026
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Quick answer
John Gottman’s best-known book is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999, revised 2015), which has sold over a million copies. His other key titles include Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994), The Relationship Cure (2001), What Makes Love Last? (2012), Eight Dates (2019) and Fight Right (2024). Start with The Seven Principles; below you will find all 12 key books in order and which to read for which question.
Where to Start with John Gottman
If you want the core of his advice on marriage
→ The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) — the seven principles, with questionnaires and exercises.
If you want the research behind it
→ Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994) — where the Four Horsemen first appear.
If you want something you can try this week
→ The Love Prescription (2022) — seven small daily actions.
If you want to argue better
→ Fight Right (2024) — the 2024 book on conflict styles.
12 John Gottman Books, in Order
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
His first book for general readers, based on two decades of observing couples. It introduces the Four Horsemen — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — as the patterns that predict divorce, and describes three kinds of stable marriage: validating, volatile and conflict-avoiding.
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
A parenting book built on his research with families. It sets out “emotion coaching”: noticing a child’s emotions, treating them as a chance to connect, listening, helping the child name the feeling and setting limits while solving the problem together. In the UK it was published as The Heart of Parenting.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
His best-known book, which sets out seven principles drawn from the couples he studied, from knowing your partner’s world (“love maps”) and turning towards each other to solving the problems that can be solved and coping with those that cannot. Each chapter has questionnaires and exercises. A revised edition followed in 2015, and the book has sold over a million copies.
The Relationship Cure
Widens his research beyond marriage to friends, family and colleagues. It is built around “bids”, the small attempts people make to get each other’s attention, and whether the other person turns towards, away from or against them.
Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage
The principles of the earlier books applied to the stories of individual couples and their recurring problems, from housework and money to sex and in-laws, with exercises for each lesson.
And Baby Makes Three
About what happens to a couple’s relationship after the birth of a first child, based on the Gottmans’ research on the transition to parenthood and the programme they built from it for new parents.
The Science of Trust
His most technical book for a general audience. It uses mathematics and game theory to describe how trust and betrayal build up between partners, and is written partly for therapists.
What Makes Love Last?
The ideas of The Science of Trust rewritten for ordinary readers: how couples build trust, how small betrayals accumulate, and how a couple can recover after an affair.
The Man’s Guide to Women
A relationship book addressed to heterosexual men, drawing on the Gottmans’ research and written with the couple Douglas Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams.
Eight Dates
A programme of eight planned dates, each built around one conversation, on subjects such as trust, conflict, sex, money, family and shared dreams. It became a national bestseller.
The Love Prescription
A short seven-day plan with one small action per day: make contact, ask a big question, say thank you, give a real compliment, ask for what you need, reach out and touch, and declare a date night. It is the first book in their Seven Days series.
Fight Right
A book on conflict, which the Gottmans call the main reason couples seek help. It describes the “conflict culture” each partner brings from childhood and earlier relationships, conflict styles such as avoiders, validators and volatiles, and five common mistakes couples make in arguments.
In What Order to Read John Gottman
None of Gottman’s books continue from one another, and the later ones repeat the core findings, so read by question rather than by date. The Seven Principles is the most complete single statement of his advice for couples; Why Marriages Succeed or Fail shows the research it came from.
After that, choose by subject: What Makes Love Last? for trust and affairs, And Baby Makes Three for new parents, Fight Right for arguments, and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child if you came to him as a parent. Leave The Science of Trust until you want the mathematics.
A reading path
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)
2. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994)
3. The Relationship Cure (2001)
4. What Makes Love Last? (2012)
5. Fight Right (2024)
Books for Therapists
Beyond the 12 key books: 3 more, grouped by kind.
Open a group with the + to see every book in it.
Clinical and professional books
3
3 books · 1999–2018
- 1999The Marriage Clinica scientifically based approach to marital therapy
- 201510 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapywith Julie Schwartz Gottman
- 2018The Science of Couples and Family Therapybehind the scenes at the Love Lab, with Julie Schwartz Gottman
The years · 1942–2024
Quick facts about John Gottman
- Known for
- John Gottman is known for decades of observational research on couples, including the Love Lab at the University of Washington, and for the Four Horsemen, the four behaviours he says predict divorce.
- 1942
- Born in the Dominican Republic
- 1971
- PhD in clinical psychology, University of Wisconsin
- 1986
- Builds the “Love Lab” in Seattle
- 2024
- Fight Right
- Born
- 26 April 1942, Dominican Republic; raised in Brooklyn
- Education
- BS in mathematics-physics, Fairleigh Dickinson (1962); MS, MIT (1964); PhD in clinical psychology, University of Wisconsin–Madison (1971)
- Career
- Professor of psychology at the University of Washington, now professor emeritus
- Institute
- Co-founded The Gottman Institute with Julie Schwartz Gottman in 1996
- Married
- The psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman, in 1987
- Honours
- Four NIMH Research Scientist Awards; named one of Psychotherapy Networker’s ten most influential therapists of the past quarter-century
The red mark is 1999: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, his best-known book.
How John Gottman Writes: Research Turned into Exercises
Every Gottman book starts from observation rather than theory. In his studies, couples talked through a disagreement while being filmed and wired to measure heart rate, and coders rated each second of facial expression and tone. The Gottman Institute says seven longitudinal studies came out of this work, and the books keep returning to what those couples did, often in the form of short case stories.
He names his findings so readers can remember and use them: the Four Horsemen, “love maps”, “bids” for connection, “turning towards”. Most chapters end in questionnaires, exercises or scripts for couples to do together, which is why the popular books read more like workbooks than like science writing. The Science of Trust is the exception, with its equations and game theory.
Almost all the books are collaborations. Nan Silver and Joan DeClaire helped turn the research into plain prose, and since the 2000s Julie Schwartz Gottman, a clinical psychologist, has been co-author, bringing in the therapy and workshop experience of The Gottman Institute.
Watch
John Gottman on the science of love
At TEDxVeniceBeach, Gottman explains what four decades of observing couples taught him about why some relationships last and others end.
Frequently asked questions about John Gottman’s books
How many books has John Gottman written?
The Gottman Institute says he has written or co-written more than 50 books, including academic and professional titles. This page lists his 12 key books for general readers, from Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994) to Fight Right (2024), plus three books for therapists.
What are John Gottman’s books in order?
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994), Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (1997), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999), The Relationship Cure (2001), Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage (2006), And Baby Makes Three (2008), The Science of Trust (2011), What Makes Love Last? (2012), The Man’s Guide to Women (2016), Eight Dates (2019), The Love Prescription (2022) and Fight Right (2024).
Where should I start with John Gottman?
With The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, the fullest version of his advice for couples, with exercises in every chapter. If you want something shorter and practical, try The Love Prescription.
What is John Gottman’s most famous book?
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999, written with Nan Silver), which has sold over a million copies. A revised edition was published in 2015.
What are Gottman’s Four Horsemen?
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling: the four ways of fighting that his research linked to divorce. He first described them for general readers in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (1994).
What is the Gottman Love Lab?
An apartment laboratory at the University of Washington, built in 1986, where couples were observed, filmed and physiologically measured while they talked. The name came from the press. A newer Love Lab in downtown Seattle offers assessment and treatment.
Can Gottman really predict divorce with over 90% accuracy?
The Gottman Institute says that across seven studies his team predicted divorce with an average accuracy of over 90%. Critics disagree. In 2001 the psychologist Richard E. Heyman questioned divorce-prediction models, citing small samples and statistical overfitting, and in 2010 the journalist Laurie Abraham argued in Slate that the formulas were fitted after the outcomes were known rather than tested on new couples. The institute maintains that six of the seven studies were properly predictive.
Who is Julie Schwartz Gottman?
A clinical psychologist and John Gottman’s wife since 1987. She co-founded The Gottman Institute with him in 1996 and co-wrote several books on this page, including Eight Dates, The Love Prescription and Fight Right.
Is John Gottman still alive?
Yes. He was born on 26 April 1942 and is professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington. His most recent book on this page, Fight Right, was published in January 2024.
Does Gottman write only about marriage?
No. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is about parenting, The Relationship Cure covers friends, family and colleagues, and his research includes a 12-year study of gay and lesbian couples.
Footnotes
- John Gottman — Wikipedia
- Research overview — The Gottman Institute
- John & Julie Gottman — The Gottman Institute
- Love Is Not a Mystery — On Wisconsin, Summer 2016
- Fight Right — Penguin Random House
- The Love Prescription — Penguin Random House
Bibliography last verified 9 October 2026. Where sources give different first-publication years, this page uses the year in library catalogues or the publisher’s own record.
This list was not put together by a machine.
The notes are all mine,
and the books are all his.
Lisanne x
Written by Lisanne Swart, who has curated reading lists and author guides at lisanneswart.com since 2021.
See more on her personal bookshelf.
“We need conflict in order to keep learning how to love each other better as we grow older and change.”
— John Gottman, interviewed in On Wisconsin (2016)
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