Niceness versus Kindness

The Hotpot | January 2026 | By Lisanne

6.1

There are lots of people who are nice.

These deliverers of ‘niceness’ are excellent at making us feel good. They hand us comfort, approval, and relief.

They tell us the new jeans looks flattering. That we weren’t too much when we told our colleague to back off.

And then there is the other kind of person.
The one who tells us there is spinach between our teeth before we enter the room.
The one who says the dating isn’t going anywhere, even though it stings.

This person isn’t pleasant.
Their message doesn’t feel good in the moment.
It also doesn’t come wrapped in validation.

But it does something better: it takes us seriously. It assumes we can handle the truth and trusts us to decide what to do with it.

Niceness prioritizes harmony to keep things smooth. 
Kindness risks a little discomfort in service of honesty.

Dutch people are often considered as direct, not particularly nice. But we might be quite kind.

And if you have to choose—
Is it the people who help you move forward, or the people who make you feel better?

It can’t always be both.

Thank you for reading! Question worth sitting with:

When was the last time someone told you the truth you actually needed to hear?

Let me know in the comments!

Curious to see more reflections like this? Click through to see the rest of the series on emotional competency. I’d love to hear what resonates with you.