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Reading List · Character and KindnessThe Best Books That Make You a Better Person
Becoming a better person is less about grand gestures than about everyday habits: how you listen, how you speak to people you disagree with, what you give away and what you hold on to. Readers turn to books on kindness, empathy and character because they offer language and examples for those habits, from Stoic notebooks and survivor memoirs to practical guides on conversation and generosity.
This list mixes practical guides, memoirs, philosophy and one novel. Some books teach specific skills, such as listening without judgement; others show character tested under extreme pressure. Each entry explains what the book covers and what kind of reader it suits, so you can start with the one closest to your question.
Thirteen books that make you a better person
Nonviolent Communication
Marshall B. Rosenberg · 1999
Clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg sets out the communication model he developed from the 1960s onwards, influenced by Carl Rogers. It rests on four components: describing observations without judgement, naming feelings, identifying the needs behind them, and making clear requests that the other person is free to decline.
The book treats kindness as a skill that can be practised in ordinary conversations. It shows how blame and criticism block connection, and how listening for someone’s needs changes arguments at home, at work and in conflict.
Read it if you want practical tools for speaking honestly without hurting people.
Read my full recommendation →The Choice
Edith Eger · 2017
Edith Eger was 16 when she was deported to Auschwitz in 1944 with her parents and sister; her mother was murdered there. Decades later she trained as a clinical psychologist. The Choice interweaves her own story with those of patients she has treated.
Eger’s central idea is that people cannot always choose what happens to them, but can choose how they respond. The book connects forgiveness of others, and of oneself, to a freer and more generous way of living.
Read it if you want a memoir about forgiveness and taking responsibility for your own response.
Read my full recommendation →Man’s Search for Meaning
Viktor E. Frankl · 1946
Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl first published this book in German in 1946; the English edition followed in 1959. Part one describes his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. Part two introduces logotherapy, his theory that a sense of meaning is central to human health.
Frankl observed that prisoners kept a freedom of choice even in extreme suffering, and he names caring for another person as one of the ways meaning is found. The book is a study of character under the hardest conditions imaginable.
Read it if you want to understand how dignity and decency survive extreme circumstances.
Read my full recommendation →The Power of Now
Eckhart Tolle · 1997
Eckhart Tolle argues that only the present moment is real, and that much suffering comes from identifying with our thoughts and worrying about past and future. He describes the ’pain-body’, a store of unresolved emotional pain that can surface as resentment or rage, and offers methods for observing it.
Becoming less reactive is a large part of treating others well. The book suits readers who notice that irritation, defensiveness or old hurt shape how they behave, and who want a calmer, more attentive way of being with people.
Read it if you want to become less reactive and more present with the people around you.
Read my full recommendation →Build the Life You Want
Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey · 2023
Social scientist Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey present happiness as a skill built day by day rather than a destination. The book begins with emotional self-management and then turns to four areas of life: family, friendship, work and spiritual practice.
Much of the book concerns relationships: managing expectations in families, building trust, and keeping deep friendships at any age. It suits readers who want to improve how they treat others by first getting a better handle on their own emotions.
Read it if you want an evidence-based guide to better relationships and steadier emotions.
Read my full recommendation →Infectious Generosity
Chris Anderson · 2024
Chris Anderson, head of TED, argues that generosity can be ’infectious’, spreading from person to person, and that the internet can help generous acts travel far. Examples include a London barber who began cutting hair for homeless people, and an experiment in which 200 strangers each received 10,000 dollars.
The book is a playbook for giving money, time, talent, connection or kindness. Most recipients in the experiment wanted to pass the generosity on, a finding that suits readers looking for concrete ways to give rather than abstract encouragement.
Read it if you want practical ideas for being generous in a way that spreads.
Read my full recommendation →How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie · 1936
Dale Carnegie’s guide to dealing with people has sold more than 30 million copies since 1936. Its principles are plain: do not criticise, condemn or complain; give honest appreciation; show real interest in others; remember names; listen well; and admit your own mistakes quickly.
Despite the title, much of the advice is about consideration: making people feel heard and respected. It suits readers who want simple, everyday habits for treating colleagues, friends and strangers more warmly.
Read it if you want simple, time-tested habits for treating people with more consideration.
The Road to Character
David Brooks · 2015
David Brooks contrasts ’résumé virtues’, the skills that bring career success, with ’eulogy virtues’, the qualities people hope to be remembered for. Through portraits of figures such as Frances Perkins, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Dorothy Day, George Eliot, Augustine and Samuel Johnson, he examines how character is built.
Brooks argues that humility and inner struggle shape character more than achievement does. The book suits readers who feel their lives lean towards ambition and want examples of people who chose depth instead.
Read it if you want biographical examples of how humility and character are formed.
Tuesdays with Morrie
Mitch Albom · 1997
Sportswriter Mitch Albom recounts weekly visits to his former Brandeis University sociology professor, Morrie Schwartz, who was dying of ALS. Across fourteen Tuesdays they talk about death, fear, ageing, greed, marriage, family, forgiveness and the meaning of life. A 1999 television film starred Jack Lemmon.
The book contrasts a career-focused life with Morrie’s emphasis on love and connection. It suits readers who want a short, accessible reflection on what matters in how we treat the people close to us.
Read it if you want a gentle, short book about love, forgiveness and priorities.
The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz · 1997
Don Miguel Ruiz presents a code of conduct he bases on Toltec spiritual teachings. The four agreements are: be impeccable with your word, do not take anything personally, do not make assumptions, and always do your best. Oprah Winfrey endorsed the book on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 2001, which made it a bestseller.
Each agreement concerns how we speak to and about others and how we interpret their behaviour. It suits readers who want a short, memorable set of principles to apply in daily interactions.
Read it if you want four simple principles to guide how you speak and react.
Humankind
Rutger Bregman · 2019
Dutch historian Rutger Bregman argues that most people are fundamentally decent. First published in Dutch as De meeste mensen deugen, the book sides with Rousseau over Hobbes and challenges the ’veneer theory’ that civilisation barely conceals selfishness. Its cases include six Tongan boys shipwrecked on ’Ata in 1965.
Bregman argues that cynical views of others make people behave cynically. The book suits readers who want to treat others better by starting from a more generous assumption about who they are.
Read it if you want a hopeful, evidence-based argument that people are better than we assume.
Meditations
Marcus Aurelius · c. 170–180
Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote these private notes in Greek, partly while on military campaign, as guidance for himself. Divided into twelve books of short passages, they were probably never meant for publication. Themes include ethical conduct, judging others carefully and living in line with reason.
Meditations shows a powerful man reminding himself, again and again, to be patient, fair and good to others. It suits readers who prefer reflective, short entries they can return to rather than a single argument.
Read it if you want short daily reflections on patience, duty and decency.
Wonder
R. J. Palacio · 2012
Ten-year-old August ’Auggie’ Pullman, born with Treacher Collins syndrome, has been homeschooled until he starts fifth grade at Beecher Prep. He faces bullying but finds friends, including Jack Will and Summer. A 2017 film starred Jacob Tremblay, Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson.
Told partly from the perspectives of the people around Auggie, the novel shows how small acts of kindness and cruelty shape someone’s life. It suits younger readers and adults reading alongside them.
Read it if you want a story about kindness that works for both children and adults.
Which book should you read first?
The best starting point depends on what you want from a book.
- For better conversations — Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg (1999)
- For kindness in everyday habits — How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (1936)
- For moral character — The Road to Character by David Brooks (2015)
- For generosity — Infectious Generosity by Chris Anderson (2024)
- For a hopeful view of people — Humankind by Rutger Bregman (2019)
- For younger readers — Wonder by R. J. Palacio (2012)
Where to go next
Frequently asked questions
What is the best book to become a better person?
It depends on what you want to change. Nonviolent Communication helps with how you speak and listen, The Road to Character focuses on humility and inner character, and Infectious Generosity offers concrete ways to give.
Which books teach empathy?
Nonviolent Communication teaches empathic listening step by step. Wonder builds empathy through storytelling, showing one boy’s experience from several perspectives.
Are there memoirs about becoming a better person?
The Choice by Edith Eger, Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom are all memoirs about how people choose to respond to suffering and loss.
Is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius good for beginners?
Yes for many readers, because it consists of short, self-contained passages. They were private notes rather than a structured treatise, so it can be read a few entries at a time.
Which book on this list is about generosity?
Infectious Generosity by Chris Anderson, head of TED, argues that generous acts can spread from person to person and gives practical examples of giving money, time, talent and kindness.
Is there a novel about kindness on this list?
Yes. Wonder by R. J. Palacio follows Auggie Pullman, a boy with a facial difference starting school for the first time, and was adapted into a film in 2017.
Pick the book that answers the question you are asking right now. The rest of the list will still be here when you are ready for the next one.
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