Author Guide · Humorous Essays
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Samantha Irby started a blog called bitches gotta eat in 2009, writing about bad dates, her cat and her Crohn’s disease in more detail than most people would tell a doctor. A small Chicago press, Curbside Splendor, turned it into her first book in 2013. Four years later Vintage published her second, which made the New York Times bestseller list; her third won a Lambda Literary Award; and by 2021 she was writing for HBO’s Sex and the City sequel, And Just Like That..., from a house in Kalamazoo, Michigan. This guide covers her four key books, in order, and where to begin.
By Lisanne Swart · 4 key books · 2013–2023 · Updated October 2026
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Quick answer
Samantha Irby has published four essay collections: Meaty (2013), We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017), Wow, No Thank You. (2020), which won a Lambda Literary Award, and Quietly Hostile (2023). Start with We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, the book that took her from blogger to bestseller; the others follow her from Chicago to Kalamazoo and into television writing.
Where to Start with Samantha Irby
If you want her breakthrough book
→ We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017) — the 2017 bestseller that opens with a Bachelorette application.
If you want the original blog voice
→ Meaty (2013) — her first book, from a small Chicago press.
If you want the award winner
→ Wow, No Thank You. (2020) — the move to Kalamazoo and her first brush with Hollywood.
If you want the most recent one
→ Quietly Hostile (2023) — essays from her years as a TV writer.
4 Samantha Irby Books, in Order
Meaty
Her first collection, published by the Chicago independent press Curbside Splendor in September 2013 and grown out of her blog. The essays cover her sex life, her gynaecologist, a graphically described fight with Crohn’s disease and growing up Black on Chicago’s North Shore. Vintage reissued it in 2018, and FX bought the television rights in 2016.
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life
Published by Vintage in May 2017, it opens with a mock application to be a contestant on The Bachelorette and includes essays on her cat, Helen Keller, on her father’s treatment of her ill mother, and on scattering her father’s ashes. Dating, chronic illness, racism and dead-end jobs run through the rest. It became a New York Times bestseller.
Wow, No Thank You.
Written after she left Chicago for Kalamazoo, Michigan, where her wife already lived, and found herself in a house, with no friends, in a town whose most popular bar has a mechanical bull. Other essays deal with her success as an author and a frustrating flirtation with Hollywood. Published by Vintage in March 2020, it debuted at No. 1 on the New York Times paperback nonfiction list and won the Lambda Literary Award for Bisexual Nonfiction in 2021.
Quietly Hostile
Seventeen pieces, published in May 2023, written during her years as a television writer. They include a long essay on Sex and the City and its sequel And Just Like That..., which she wrote for; essays built around Spotify playlists and the Dave Matthews Band; bathroom etiquette; and “Please Invite Me to Your Party”, which The New Yorker ran in March 2023.
In What Order to Read Samantha Irby
The books are separate collections, so any one can be read first. Read in order, though, they make a loose autobiography: single and broke in Chicago in Meaty, grief for her parents and the first signs of success in We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, marriage and Kalamazoo in Wow, No Thank You., and the writers’ room in Quietly Hostile.
Running jokes and people (her wife, her cat, her illnesses) carry over from book to book, so publication order rewards you a little. If you start with We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, go back to Meaty afterwards for the rawer early material.
A reading path
1. We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017)
2. Meaty (2013)
3. Wow, No Thank You. (2020)
4. Quietly Hostile (2023)
Everything Else Samantha Irby Published
Beyond the 4 key books: 2 more, grouped by kind.
Open a group with the + to see every book in it.
Shorter works and contributions
2
2 books · 2017
- 2017New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keepa short e-book from Vintage
- 2017Nasty Womenher essay “Country Crock” in the anthology edited by Samhita Mukhopadhyay and Kate Harding
The years · 1980–2023
Quick facts about Samantha Irby
- Known for
- Frank, very funny personal essays about chronic illness, sex, money, grief and the body, which began on her blog bitches gotta eat
- 1980
- Born; grows up in Evanston, Illinois
- 2009
- Starts the blog bitches gotta eat
- 2023
- Quietly Hostile
- Born
- 13 February 1980; grew up in Evanston, Illinois
- Education
- Evanston Township High School; Northern Illinois University, which she left after her mother’s death
- Blog
- bitches gotta eat, since 2009
- Television
- Writer on Shrill, And Just Like That... and Tuca & Bertie
- Married
- Kirsten Jennings, in 2016
- Lives
- Kalamazoo, Michigan
- Honours
- Lambda Literary Award for Bisexual Nonfiction (2021)
The red mark is 2017: We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, the book that made her a bestselling author.
How Samantha Irby Writes: Nothing Off Limits
Irby writes first-person essays in the voice of her blog: long, digressive sentences, lists, capital letters and swearing, with jokes about her body set right next to the deaths of her parents. Kirkus compared the language of Meaty to late-night comedy; NPR’s reviewer described Quietly Hostile as a blend of essays and stand-up bits.
The subject is almost always her own life, including the parts most writers leave out: Crohn’s disease, arthritis, depression, bowel movements, money, caring for a mother with multiple sclerosis as a teenager. She has said her test for an essay is whether she could talk to a stranger about it, and that she sends pieces to her editor without much second-guessing so she cannot cut them later.
She also likes borrowed forms: a reality-TV application, a list of resolutions she did not keep, an essay built from Spotify playlists. Before the books she performed in Chicago’s live-lit scene, co-hosting Guts and Glory until 2015, and many of the essays read as if written to be said out loud.
Watch
Samantha Irby in Conversation with Greta Johnsen
Samantha Irby talks with WBEZ host Greta Johnsen about her essay collection Quietly Hostile. From the official WBEZ Chicago channel.
Frequently asked questions about Samantha Irby’s books
How many books has Samantha Irby written?
Four essay collections: Meaty (2013), We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017), Wow, No Thank You. (2020) and Quietly Hostile (2023). She also published a short e-book, New Year, Same Trash (2017), and contributed an essay to the anthology Nasty Women (2017).
What are Samantha Irby’s books in order?
Meaty (2013), We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017), Wow, No Thank You. (2020) and Quietly Hostile (2023).
Where should I start with Samantha Irby?
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017), her breakthrough and a New York Times bestseller. It is a good sample of everything she does, from the mock Bachelorette application that opens it to the essays about her parents.
What is Samantha Irby’s most famous book?
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life (2017) is the best known. Wow, No Thank You. (2020) sold faster, debuting at No. 1 on the New York Times paperback nonfiction list, and won a Lambda Literary Award.
Do I need to read Samantha Irby’s books in order?
No. Each is a standalone collection. Reading in publication order lets you follow her life from Chicago to Kalamazoo and into television, and some running jokes and people recur.
Did Samantha Irby write for And Just Like That?
Yes. HBO announced her as a writer and co-producer in February 2021, and she wrote season 1, episode 5, “Tragically Hip”. She writes about Sex and the City and its sequel in Quietly Hostile. She also wrote an episode of Hulu’s Shrill (2019) and of Tuca & Bertie (2021).
Has Samantha Irby’s work been adapted for TV?
Not yet. In 2016 FX bought the rights to Meaty and her blog, with Abbi Jacobson and Jessi Klein attached, but the series has not reached the screen; in a 2023 Fresh Air interview she described nearly getting it made.
What awards has Samantha Irby won?
Wow, No Thank You. won the Lambda Literary Award for Bisexual Nonfiction at the 33rd Lambda Literary Awards in 2021.
Where does Samantha Irby live?
In Kalamazoo, Michigan, with her wife, Kirsten Jennings, whom she married in 2016. She moved there from Chicago, and the move is the starting point of Wow, No Thank You.
What is Samantha Irby’s blog?
bitches gotta eat, which she started in 2009 and where she wrote about her life, her sex life and Crohn’s disease. Her first book, Meaty, grew out of it.
Footnotes
- Samantha Irby — Wikipedia
- Meaty — Kirkus Reviews
- We Are Never Meeting in Real Life — Lambda Literary Review, 2017
- Interview with Scott Simon — NPR, 2020
- Quietly Hostile review — NPR, 2023
- Quietly Hostile — Fresh Air, via Connecticut Public, 2023
Bibliography last verified 9 October 2026. Where sources give different first-publication years, this page uses the year in library catalogues or the publisher’s own record.
This list was not put together by a machine.
The notes are all mine,
and the books are all his.
Lisanne x
Written by Lisanne Swart, who has curated reading lists and author guides at lisanneswart.com since 2021.
See more on her personal bookshelf.
“I’m very realistic about everything having a shelf life, especially when you are a writer who writes about herself.”
— Samantha Irby, interview with Scott Simon, NPR (2020)
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