Author Guide · Communication & Negotiation
Books Written by
Douglas Stone has taught negotiation at Harvard Law School for more than thirty years, and has taught the same material to Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court justices, federal judges, diplomats and doctors at the World Health Organization. Before that he practised banking law in Boston and New York. In the late 1980s he joined the Harvard Negotiation Project, the group around Roger Fisher of Getting to Yes, and with two colleagues there, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, wrote Difficult Conversations (1999), now in its third edition and translated into 25 languages. This guide covers his three key books, in order, and where to begin.
By Lisanne Swart · 3 key books · 1999–2014 · Updated October 2026
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Quick answer
Douglas Stone has written three books, all with co-authors: Difficult Conversations (1999, with Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen), Real College (2004, with Elizabeth Tippett) and Thanks for the Feedback (2014, with Sheila Heen). Start with Difficult Conversations; Thanks for the Feedback takes the same ideas to the other side of the table, the person receiving criticism.
Where to Start with Douglas Stone
If you want his defining book
→ Difficult Conversations (1999) — the three conversations inside every hard conversation.
If you want to get better at hearing criticism
→ Thanks for the Feedback (2014) — written with Sheila Heen for the receiver, not the giver.
If you are about to start university
→ Real College (2004) — a first year told through four fictional students.
3 Douglas Stone Books, in Order
Difficult Conversations
Written at the Harvard Negotiation Project, with a foreword by Roger Fisher, the book argues that every difficult conversation is really three: the “What happened?” conversation about facts and blame, the Feelings conversation, and the Identity conversation each person has with themselves. It became a New York Times business bestseller and has been translated into 25 languages. A tenth-anniversary edition (2010) added answers to ten questions readers ask, and the third edition (2023) adds race, gender, power, social media and talking through technology.
Real College
A guide to the first year at university, built around four fictional students whose problems, from roommates to grades, are not always handled well. The authors wrote it for ordinary students rather than the polished ones in admissions brochures, using the conversation tools of his earlier work.
Thanks for the Feedback
Where most feedback training is aimed at the giver, this book trains the receiver. Stone and Heen separate three kinds of feedback (appreciation, coaching and evaluation) and three triggers that make us reject it: truth, relationship and identity. It was a New York Times bestseller, published in March 2014, with praise from Daniel H. Pink and Adam Grant.
In What Order to Read Douglas Stone
Read Difficult Conversations first. Thanks for the Feedback stands on its own, but it builds on the earlier book’s idea of the Identity conversation, and its three triggers follow the same structure as the three conversations.
Real College is a side road, written for students in their first year. If you buy Difficult Conversations, choose the third edition of 2023, which is the most up to date.
A reading path
1. Difficult Conversations (1999; third edition 2023)
2. Thanks for the Feedback (2014)
3. Real College (2004), if you are a student
Other Editions of Douglas Stone’s Books
Beyond the 3 key books: 2 more, grouped by kind.
Open a group with the + to see every book in it.
Editions of Difficult Conversations
2
2 books · 2010–2023
- 2010Difficult Conversations, tenth-anniversary editionadds “Answers to Ten Questions People Ask”
- 2023Difficult Conversations, third editionupdated with race, culture, gender, power and social media
The years · 1980–2023
Quick facts about Douglas Stone
- Known for
- He co-wrote the books that turned the Harvard Negotiation Project’s work on conflict into practical advice for hard conversations at home and at work.
- 1980
- Graduates from Brown University
- 1984
- J.D., Harvard Law School
- 2023
- Third edition of Difficult Conversations
- Education
- Brown University (BA, 1980); Harvard Law School (JD, 1984)
- Teaches
- Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, for more than thirty years
- Harvard Negotiation Project
- Associate and later associate director, late 1980s to late 1990s, working with Roger Fisher
- Company
- Co-founder of Triad Consulting Group, with Sheila Heen
- Co-authors
- Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen; Elizabeth Tippett
- Lives
- Cambridge, Massachusetts
The red mark is 1999: Difficult Conversations, written with Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen.
How Douglas Stone Writes: Structure Under the Emotion
Stone’s books start from a structure. In Difficult Conversations every hard conversation is three conversations at once: what happened, how people feel, and what it says about who they are. In Thanks for the Feedback there are three kinds of feedback and three triggers. Once a reader can name which conversation they are in, the advice follows.
The method comes from negotiation, not therapy. Stone and his co-authors argue against blame and for working out each side’s contribution to a problem, and against arguing over who is right in favour of asking how each person sees it. The examples are ordinary: a parent, a colleague, a performance review, a partner who forgets something.
All his books are co-written, mostly with Sheila Heen, his partner at Triad Consulting, and the voice is plain and collective rather than personal. For a related approach to conflict, see the guide to Marshall Rosenberg and the list of best books on communication.
Frequently asked questions about Douglas Stone’s books
How many books has Douglas Stone written?
Three, all with co-authors: Difficult Conversations (1999) with Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, Real College (2004) with Elizabeth Tippett, and Thanks for the Feedback (2014) with Sheila Heen. Difficult Conversations has also appeared in a tenth-anniversary edition (2010) and a third edition (2023).
What are Douglas Stone’s books in order?
Difficult Conversations (1999), Real College (2004) and Thanks for the Feedback (2014).
Where should I start with Douglas Stone?
With Difficult Conversations, preferably the 2023 third edition. Read Thanks for the Feedback next if your problem is receiving criticism rather than raising it.
What is Douglas Stone’s most famous book?
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (1999), written with Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project. It was a New York Times business bestseller and has been translated into 25 languages.
Who wrote Difficult Conversations?
Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, all of the Harvard Negotiation Project, with a foreword by Roger Fisher, co-author of Getting to Yes. Patton is also a co-author of Getting to Yes.
What are the three conversations in Difficult Conversations?
The “What happened?” conversation, about facts, intentions and blame; the Feelings conversation, about the emotions involved; and the Identity conversation, about what the situation says about who you are.
What is the difference between the editions of Difficult Conversations?
The first edition is from 1999. The tenth-anniversary edition (2010) added a section answering ten questions readers often ask. The third edition (2023) is thoroughly updated and adds race, culture, gender, power, social media and communicating through technology.
What are the three triggers in Thanks for the Feedback?
Truth triggers, when the feedback seems wrong; relationship triggers, when the reaction is about who is giving it; and identity triggers, when it threatens your sense of who you are. The book also separates appreciation, coaching and evaluation.
Who is Douglas Stone?
A Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, where he has taught negotiation for more than thirty years, and a co-founder of Triad Consulting Group. He studied at Brown and Harvard Law School and practised banking law before joining the Harvard Negotiation Project.
Footnotes
- Douglas Stone — Harvard Law School faculty page
- Doug Stone — CMPartners
- Douglas Stone — Penguin Random House
- Thanks for the Feedback — Penguin Random House
- Difficult Conversations, third edition — Bookshop.org
- Summary of Difficult Conversations — Beyond Intractability
Bibliography last verified 9 October 2026. Where sources give different first-publication years, this page uses the year in library catalogues or the publisher’s own record.
This list was not put together by a machine.
The notes are all mine,
and the books are all his.
Lisanne x
Written by Lisanne Swart, who has curated reading lists and author guides at lisanneswart.com since 2021.
See more on her personal bookshelf.
“Focusing on blame is a bad idea because it inhibits our ability to learn what’s really causing the problem.”
— Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, Difficult Conversations (1999)
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