Author Guide · Trauma, Healing & Relationships
Books Written by
Before he wrote about racism, Resmaa Menakem spent years in domestic violence treatment in Minneapolis, and from 2011 to 2013 he managed wellness and counselling services for civilian contractors on 53 U.S. military bases in Afghanistan. His first book was about couples who cannot stop fighting. His best-known book, My Grandmother's Hands, argued that racism lives less in our heads than in our bodies, and four years after it came out it reached The New York Times bestseller list. This guide covers all six of his books in the order they were published, how they connect, and which one to read first.
By Lisanne Swart · 6 books · Female authors · 2015–2024 · Updated September 2026
Click a spine to jump to that book below.
Quick answer
Resmaa Menakem has written six books: Rock the Boat (2015), Life, Leadership, and Legacy (2017), My Grandmother's Hands (2017), The Quaking of America (2022), Monsters in Love (2023), a revised edition of Rock the Boat, and the children's picture book The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024). My Grandmother's Hands is his best-known book and the best place to start.
Watch: Resmaa Menakem on racialized and intergenerational trauma
Quick facts about Resmaa Menakem
- Born
- Chester Mason Jr.
- Work
- Therapist and trauma specialist (MSW, LICSW, SEP) in Minneapolis
- Trained
- With the therapists David Schnarch and James Maddock, and at Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute
- Founded
- The Cultural Somatics Institute and Justice Leadership Solutions
- Books
- 6, from Rock the Boat (2015) to The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024)
- Known for
- My Grandmother's Hands (2017), a New York Times bestseller in 2021
- Key idea
- Somatic Abolitionism, an embodied antiracist practice
- Earlier career
- Director of counselling services at Tubman Family Alliance, a domestic violence treatment centre; community care counsellor for civilian contractors in Afghanistan, 2011–2013
- Radio and TV
- Co-hosted a radio show with Keith Ellison on KMOJ in Minneapolis for ten years; guest on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil and On Being
All 6 Resmaa Menakem Books, in Order
Rock the Boat: How to Use Conflict to Heal and Deepen Your Relationship
His first book, written as a couples therapist. It argues that conflict between partners is not a sign that something is wrong but a chance to grow, as long as both people stand by what they need and who they are, with compassion rather than competitiveness. It covers accepting discomfort and uncertainty, being honest about sex, money, children and in-laws, recognising when conflict could tip into violence or abuse, and finding a good therapist. In 2023 it was revised and republished as Monsters in Love.
Only if you already own it or find it second-hand. Otherwise go straight to Monsters in Love, the revised version.
— LisanneLife, Leadership, and Legacy: 101 Tips for Emerging Justice Leaders
A book of 101 short tips for what he calls justice leaders: community activists, clergy, police leaders and others working for change who feel stuck, isolated or unsupported. It grew out of Justice Leadership Solutions, the consultancy he founded to coach leaders through civil unrest.
For people doing the work rather than reading about it. It belongs on a desk, not a bedside table.
— LisanneMy Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies
Menakem's central argument is that white-body supremacy does not live mainly in our thinking brains but in our bodies, as trauma passed down through generations, which is why trying to think our way out of racism has so often failed. He speaks in turn to Black readers, white readers and police officers, and asks all of them to choose the “clean pain” of facing what hurts over the “dirty pain” of avoidance, blame and denial. Breathing and body practices run through the whole book. Published in September 2017, it reached The New York Times bestseller list in May 2021.
Start here. Do the body practices as you go instead of skipping them: they are the point of the book, not a pause in it.
— LisanneThe Quaking of America: An Embodied Guide to Navigating Our Nation's Upheaval and Racial Reckoning
Menakem put aside a sequel to My Grandmother's Hands to write this response to the growing threat of white-supremacist political violence in the United States. Instead of strategy or politics, it offers somatic practices, which he calls “reps”, to help bodies stay settled in the face of upheaval, together with a journaling practice he calls “soul scribing”. It is written both for white bodies and for what he calls “bodies of culture”.
Read it after My Grandmother's Hands, not instead of it. It assumes you already know what he means by clean and dirty pain.
— LisanneMonsters in Love: Why Your Partner Sometimes Drives You Crazy—and What You Can Do About It
A revised and retitled edition of Rock the Boat. It challenges the idea that conflict between partners is unhealthy, argues that committed relationships exist to help both people grow up, and takes aim at therapists who do not bring their best to their clients. Ideas from his trauma work, such as clean and dirty pain, run through it.
The one to give a couple who keep having the same fight. It is blunt, and it is on your side.
— LisanneThe Stories from My Grandmother's Hands
A picture book for children aged three to eight and the adults who read with them, written with the actor and educator T. Mychael Rambo and illustrated by the artist Leroy Campbell. Grandmothers pass down stories, songs and simple body practices, so that children learn to notice the energy in their own bodies and learn that they and their people are not defective. It shows a range of skin tones, genders and abilities within the Black diaspora.
Read it aloud, and do the practices with the child rather than for them.
— LisanneResmaa Menakem's Best-Known Books
Most readers meet him through one book. These are the three that carry his ideas furthest.
- My Grandmother's Hands (2017) — racialized trauma, clean and dirty pain, and the body practices; a New York Times bestseller. Read the entry →
- The Quaking of America (2022) — the same approach applied to political violence and upheaval. Read the entry →
- Monsters in Love (2023) — his work on conflict between partners, in its revised form. Read the entry →
Where to Start with Resmaa Menakem
His books fall into two strands: racialized trauma and the body, and conflict in relationships. Where you start depends on which one brought you here.
If you read only one
→ My Grandmother's Hands (2017).
If you are a therapist, teacher or organiser
→ My Grandmother's Hands, then The Quaking of America (2022).
If your relationship keeps hitting the same wall
→ Monsters in Love (2023).
If you lead a community or an organisation
→ Life, Leadership, and Legacy (2017).
If you are reading with a young child
→ The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024).
If you want more books like his
→ My list of books like The Body Keeps the Score, or books about mental health.
In What Order to Read Resmaa Menakem
None of his books is a sequel in the strict sense, but the two strands each have a natural order.
Racialized trauma and the body
1. My Grandmother's Hands (2017)
2. The Quaking of America (2022)
3. The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024), to share with children
Conflict in relationships
Monsters in Love (2023), or the original Rock the Boat (2015). You do not need both: the first is a revised edition of the second.
How Resmaa Menakem Writes: Start With the Body
Menakem writes as a therapist first. He trained with the couples therapists David Schnarch and James Maddock and at Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute, and his books on trauma ask you again and again to stop reading and notice what is happening in your body.
Two ideas run through all of his work. The first is the difference between clean pain, the pain of facing something difficult, and dirty pain, the pain of avoiding it through blame and denial. It appears in his books on race and in his book on couples. The second is Somatic Abolitionism, his name for an embodied antiracist practice of living and building culture.
His language is his own, too. He writes “bodies of culture” where others write “people of color”, and “white-body supremacy” to insist that the problem sits in nervous systems as well as in institutions.
Frequently asked questions about Resmaa Menakem's books
How many books has Resmaa Menakem written?
Resmaa Menakem has written six books: Rock the Boat (2015), Life, Leadership, and Legacy (2017), My Grandmother's Hands (2017), The Quaking of America (2022), Monsters in Love (2023) and The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024). Monsters in Love is a revised edition of Rock the Boat, and The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands is a picture book for children.
What are Resmaa Menakem's books in order?
In order of publication: Rock the Boat (2015), Life, Leadership, and Legacy (2017), My Grandmother's Hands (2017), The Quaking of America (2022), Monsters in Love (2023), The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024).
Which Resmaa Menakem book should I read first?
My Grandmother's Hands (2017). It sets out the ideas his later books build on. If you came to him for help with a relationship, start with Monsters in Love (2023) instead.
What is My Grandmother's Hands about?
My Grandmother's Hands argues that racialized trauma, which Menakem calls white-body supremacy, lives in the body and is passed down through generations, so it cannot be healed by thinking alone. He addresses Black readers, white readers and police officers in turn, and guides all of them through body practices.
What is somatic abolitionism?
Somatic Abolitionism is Menakem's name for an embodied antiracist practice of living and building culture. It works through the body, not only the mind, to heal the racialized trauma he describes in My Grandmother's Hands and The Quaking of America.
What are clean pain and dirty pain?
In Menakem's books, clean pain is the pain of facing something difficult and moving through it. Dirty pain is the pain of avoiding it through blame, denial and avoidance, which tends to pass the hurt on to others.
What does bodies of culture mean?
“Bodies of culture” is the term Menakem uses instead of “people of color” for people who are not white.
Is Monsters in Love the same book as Rock the Boat?
Largely, yes. Monsters in Love (2023) is a revised and retitled edition of Rock the Boat (2015), his book about using conflict between partners to grow. You only need one of them.
What is The Quaking of America about?
The Quaking of America (2022) responds to the growing threat of white-supremacist political violence in the United States. Rather than political strategy, it offers somatic practices to help readers stay settled through upheaval, written for both white bodies and bodies of culture.
Does Resmaa Menakem have a children's book?
Yes. The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands (2024), written with T. Mychael Rambo and illustrated by Leroy Campbell, is a picture book for children aged three to eight that shares simple body practices passed down by grandmothers.
Was My Grandmother's Hands a New York Times bestseller?
Yes. My Grandmother's Hands was published in September 2017 and appeared on The New York Times bestseller list in May 2021.
Who is Resmaa Menakem?
Resmaa Menakem, born Chester Mason Jr., is an American therapist, trauma specialist and author based in Minneapolis. He founded the Cultural Somatics Institute and Justice Leadership Solutions, and is best known for My Grandmother's Hands.
Footnotes
- Resmaa Menakem — Wikipedia
- My Grandmother's Hands — Bookshop.org
- My Grandmother's Hands, excerpt — Central Recovery Press
- The Quaking of America — Central Recovery Press
- The Quaking of America — Spirituality & Practice
- On Becoming a Somatic Abolitionist — YES! Magazine
- Rock the Boat — Claire McKinney PR
- Monsters in Love — Goodreads
- Life, Leadership, and Legacy — Barnes & Noble
- The Stories from My Grandmother's Hands — Bookshop.org
Bibliography last verified 10 September 2026.
Nothing here was suggested by a machine.
The notes are all mine,
and the books are all hers.
Lisanne x
Written by Lisanne Swart, who has curated reading lists and author guides at lisanneswart.com since 2021.
See more on her personal bookshelf.
“White-body supremacy doesn't live in our thinking brains. It lives and breathes in our bodies.”
— Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother's Hands (2017)
If this shelf interested you, the full bookshelf has more: reading lists by theme, author guides, and notes on what is actually worth your time.
Browse the full bookshelf Get book recommendations